Remember to always put your feelings first! DAY 3
Jul 11, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTqSf4mOS7E

[Music]
everybody thank you for coming back
again for day four can't believe I made
it that far already I just wanted to say
thank you everybody for all of the
encouragement that I'm getting every
single day I am seeing all of your
guys's messages and I'm really trying to
respond to everybody as I can I am so
sorry if I am missing any of them it's
so overwhelming to see so much support
and I appreciate every one of you guys
and yes I have seen some of the negative
comments but you know I just look over
and what and smile and I just hope the
best for all of them I am so sad to see
people stuck in ruts that unfortunately
they just they're not happy in their own
life so they have to look elsewhere to
try and bring people down and if I
allowed that to be if I allowed that to
run my day then I would never succeed in
what I'm trying to do so for me I just
don't even allow it to make it past my
eyes like I don't let it fall into my
heart I don't let it to stew in my brain
I just don't allow any of that to happen
because again if I do I'm gonna be made
up of emotional stress and that's just
not that's not healthy and so I have
seen them but I'm refusing to piddle
with it it's just it's it's not it's
time being taken away from being able to
spend time with you guys that are so
encouraging and you have no idea how
happy I am to see so many people that
are joining my journey and I'm getting
personal messages and personal videos
people that are starting their journey
because of what I'm doing and that's my
goal that is what I want to do I want to
see that I want to see as I'm changing
seeing other people change and it's not
because of me that people are changing
no that's not what I'm saying but what
I'm going through is allowing people to
see that they're not alone and that they
can also reach the goals they want as
well as I am because all together were
in this all together and again like I
was saying yesterday is that I just want
my youtube channel to be a community of
people that are all helping each other
reach the goals that they want in life
and now like you've seen on some of my
other videos I do the shopping hauls and
my husband does the mukbangs and and
that's just because I want my channel to
be a little a variety of everything I
don't want it just to be stuck on just
wait because yeah that is something I
struggled with and that is obviously
gonna be a daily thing that we're
dealing with but I also want to bring
some fun into my channel too because my
life is about fun I do have my days but
you know I try to make the best of every
single day that I can and so my husband
loves doing those things the eating
mukbangs and so I was like you know what
why not I enjoy watching him make the
video so I'm just like if you can
entertain people go for it and for my
little ones yeah they ain't going
nowhere I currently have a little bit of
time
myself I needed it
yes but there there my life so yes there
are times when you guys hear them
screaming and yelling and laughing and
playing and running and jumping and but
I just you know that's my life does I'm
showing you guys everything like I am
completely being an open book to you
guys so if you hear my kids in the
background that's just because that's
what's going on at that moment now
something that you know I was really
thinking about today it was something
that had happened earlier than you know
this morning and it really could have
set my day off in a negative way and I
decided to change it and make the better
of it but something that I had shared in
my very beginning video was that I mold
myself to people to please people to
make people happy I don't want I don't
like confrontation I don't like having
to speak up and put myself in
uncomfortable situations
I would rather hide behind a block
somewhere then hit it head-on and talk
about it and figure out the situation in
this best way well today I received a
phone call and this person wants to take
my son camping my oldest son camping and
I get well you know I'm not gonna say
this person I'm gonna say my mom because
that's who it was and I'm being real
with you guys and I'm sure she might see
this video and I'm sorry mom that you
might take this offensive but this is
really where I'm at right now and this
is where I'm going this is what I'm
going through as as my journey is going
on and learning myself and learning my
voice but anyways she called me this
morning and she wanted to take my son
camping in a few weeks
and because of past history you know I
am very very very protective of my kids
I am just that is just me I am
helicopter mom I make sure my kids are
safe at all times because I want to make
sure that they don't endure any pain
like I endured at times when I was
younger and things happen to them that
happened to me I would never be able to
I would never be able to handle that so
I'm very particular about where my kids
go what my kids are doing I mean it's
just that's just me and my camera so
anyway so I got a call this morning and
she had asked if I was gonna send my
oldest son to camp and I said you know I
talked to Ollie about it and he's just
not really feeling it right now
because me and my mom are you know we
really have a different kind of dynamic
of a relationship like we're not a
mother-daughter relationship and I've
given up the hope of ever really having
a mother-daughter relationship because
you know really in in 30s we'll all be
37 so in 37 years she was only in my
life for seven of those years like
taking care of me so I don't have that
bond with her as a mom even though I
wish I did but I just don't anyway so
she had called to ask to take my son and
I told her that you know all he wasn't
feeling it my son really doesn't want to
go he's not much of a camper he's just
he's a homebody and she was like well
you know this is when you guys need to
encourage him to change things up and
and do things differently and make him
go and I was like no I I don't you know
I I don't do that
like I remember when I was young I was
forced to do those things I was forced
to go to camps I was forced to go to
outside school I was forced to do those
things and I hated it I hated it it was
like why can't you guys just hear me
when I say I don't want to go but they
would make me go and against my will and
I was like no I really don't do that to
my kids you know I let them make their
own decision on that and if he doesn't
want to go he doesn't have to go
and she blew up and was crying and you
know and told me that you know the only
reason she was a part of the communal
the committee for the the camping trip
was because she thought that you know my
oldest son was gonna go and I was like
well you know I'm sorry and she's like
why I gotta come I gotta go and she hung
up the phone on me and you know when I
said okay whatever you know and I went
on with my morning for a little bit and
it was really eating at me and I just
thought you know I can either stand up
for my son and say hey you know he
doesn't want to go and respect him or I
can say oh no you're gonna go because
I'm gonna make you go and make him
uncomfortable and make him you know not
happy the whole trip because he didn't
want to go in the first place
and it kind of takes me back to when you
know when I am facing situations I
always do what's gonna make somebody
happy and I always put my feelings on
the back burner I always push myself to
the back and I kind of feel like in this
situation that's what she's kind of
expecting me to do for my husband's you
know feelings and for my son's feelings
and to put her feelings first and I
can't do that like I will always put my
husband and my kids first like that's
just how it goes
not because he forces me to that's not
it but I love my husband and I respect
his you know his wishes with the kids
too and so I you know she called me back
and I chose not to answer it at the time
because I you know I just needed to I
really needed to just let everything
kind of calm down you know because I'm
really trying to take things at a
different aspect now but at the end of
the day I am gonna put myself first in
my feelings first and also I'm gonna put
my son's feelings first and that's what
I'm learning now as my weight loss
journey has started is I have to
sometimes put my friends myself first
when it comes to my health and if that
means I have to let people go or choose
not to do a certain activity because
it's gonna interfere
with what I'm trying to do then that's
just what's gonna have to happen and if
I in their eyes are a failure or I in
their eyes in disrespecting or being
mean because I said no I'm sorry that
that's happened and so I just wanted to
reach out to others and let them know
too that it's okay to use your you know
use your words and say what's bothering
you or what you know what is what issues
you're having rather than always putting
yourself to the back burner because I
think that there's more people out there
that put themselves to the backburner
and always put other people first and I
think there's a point in life where you
have to start putting yourself first
because until you do that you're never
gonna be able to start really focusing
on the things that need to be focused on
which would be your health you know your
own happiness your relationships all of
those things are gonna not be able to be
focused on until you put yourself first
so that's kind of where I am at this
morning it was kind of a kind of started
me off in a funky morning just because
you know like I said I don't like
confrontation I hate it but I'm starting
to learn that sometimes you have to have
conference confrontational it up to
build relationships but build
relationships with boundaries and also
respecting my wishes and respecting what
is going on in my home because in the
end of the day that's what's all that's
gonna matter so anywho I am now gonna go
and take some stuff back to the post
office from woman within I got some
clothes and unfortunately I got them and
I thought they're gonna fit me and they
don't so they're actually a little too
big and with me losing weight I don't
think it's gonna make it any better so I
decided to go ahead and take these items
back and get my money back and maybe put
them towards something different later
when I start losing a little bit more
weight it would be fun to start buying
things at a smaller size can't wait now
it's one of my treasures anyways so I
will check in again here with you guys
soon I hope you guys are having a wonder
full morning and I will talk to you here
soon bye I'm just having my typical
breakfast my to my one cup of cottage
cheese and my half cup of pineapple now
I shared this with my kids so I did not
nearly eat half of what this was I
literally got my half cup down in a
couple pieces of pineapple it is
lunchtime it's two o'clock and I'm
trying to keep up this two hour eating
thing just to help keep making me feel a
little bit better so today I went ahead
and chose to get a Big Town hero
sandwich so I got the Very Berry turkey
sandwich I will look up the calories on
it I'm not a hundred percent for sure
what they are but I have plenty of
calories to try and fit in so that's why
I went ahead and chose something like
this anyways just wanted to check in let
you guys know what I'm eating
[Music]
we made it another day four days I
cannot believe how just how the time is
is flying like it just feels so good to
get another day down for my journey that
I am creating and starting to already
see little little results like you know
just my mental behavior you know towards
food and the decisions I make and you
know just things like that just trying
to be more courteous and more aware of
what I'm thinking and what I'm saying
and what I'm doing
excuse me um I do want to say thank you
so much for allowing me to share my
story this morning the situation had
just happened so of course I was just
kind of I was caught up in the moment
and my emotions were dry you know just
really kind of high and it just I think
it really just hit me because it's such
a big situation that excuse me it's a
big situation that I deal with quite
often about putting myself back and
bringing people forward mm-hmm
I don't know what is going on I hope I'm
not getting sick so just being able to
come on and and share that with you guys
and letting you guys know that
everything is fine I've you know I
brushed it off in the sense that you
know I could say months ago even yeah I
would say months ago even maybe a year
ago I would have allowed myself to get
so caught up in the whole situation that
it would have trailed out my entire day
I would have allowed it to just destroy
my whole day and now it's like you know
I just take it as a grain of salt and
move on you know because I have to be
honest with my feelings and be like okay
I said no my mom has to respect my
boundaries
she has to respect what mine and my
husband's choices are on our children
you know these are our babies these
aren't hers she had a chance to raise
her kids and she chose not to and I
don't want to put her down in a bad way
but I'm just saying like she had a
choice and she didn't but she can't come
in and try and now tell me what I need
to do with my kids because that's not
fair mm-hmm
I obviously raised my children 100%
different then she would and and that's
okay everybody raises their kids
differently but for me I'm very
particular about how I raise my kids
so anyways beyond all that I mean I hope
I'm not like really dark to you guys I
really hope not
but I just wanted to just say again
thank you for letting me come on here
and vent to you guys and just tell you
guys the situation and hearing me out
hopefully hopefully we don't have any
more of those moments but I'm sure
throughout my time in my journey I'm
sure I'm gonna hit it somewhere um mmm
now to kind of recap my day so we went
and ran some errands I had to go to like
I said to the post office and go drop
off those women within clothes and we
had to go get gas and a few things and I
was again walked out of the door forgot
my snack it was about two o'clock and I
was like oh my gosh I don't know what I
was thinking but I'm starting to feel a
little bit if so before I start feeling
if I better get something and I really
like I was saying before I'm really
trying to break that cycle of stopping
and getting something in the matter of
us being in the car like that just seems
to be my downfalls I always have to get
something while we're in the car so my
husband was like well honey why don't we
just stop by subway and we could get us
sub sandwich you know and I was like no
I don't you know I just don't want to do
that he's like well are you hungry and I
was like yeah yeah I am he's like then
let's get you something like I don't
want you to just go without eating and
I'm like I know but I don't want to get
in the rut of starting to eat out again
he's like that's not the case I'm like
okay fine okay I see I see your point
so as we were looking for a subway I
seen Big Town hero and I haven't eaten
big town hero in hope it's been years so
I was like woohoo
I love their very buried turkey sandwich
like it is the bomb and you add some
guacamole on it and it's naughty amazing
so I see my husband and he's like well
do you want a foot a foot a four inch or
an eight inch and I was like well you
know because it's my lunch time and it's
gonna be a while before I eat dinner
I'll go ahead and get the 8 inch and if
I'm not gonna eat it all just put it
away it's not a big deal okay great
never once never wants to even come to
my mind to check the calories on it
right I'm just thinking it's healthy
it's a sandwich it's healthy so he
brings it out I eat in oh it was amazing
oh it was so amazing I'm inserting
pictures
[Music]
and I finished my food and loved it
loved every bite of it and then I said
oh I got a jump on Fitness Pal and I got
to put my calories in when I seen that
it's 968 calories for what I just ate I
about died I was like oh my god that's
like almost all my calories in one day
what was I thinking and he was just like
you know don't beat you I beat you don't
beat yourself up for it honey it's okay
you know you're gonna make yourself
upset you're not gonna you know you're
not gonna be able to make it through the
rest of the day because you're just
gonna be pulling yourself down he's like
just brush it off you know it's okay at
least it was a sandwich and not like a
hamburger or something I'm like yeah I
know but it's just you know I I'm trying
so hard to just be very very very very
cautious about why I'm choosing to eat
so that like really kind of kind of put
a big check on me that I really need to
be more cautious that what I think might
be healthy might be really bad and in
fact the cheeseburger from McDonald's is
less calories than it was for the
sandwich not that I would go to
McDonald's please do no I don't like the
donuts mmm but anyways so after I ate it
though my stomach started kind of
hurting a little bit and I was like oh
honey has like my stomach's really
starting to kind of bother me he's like
stop he's like I know you're just
stressing yourself out and upsetting
yourself because of what you you know
that you ate the sandwich it was over
calories that he was so good at the
supporting part and just just kept
encouraging me and kept being so kind to
with his words and like reassuring me
it's okay it's you know things happen
it's it's okay I was like okay whatever
I got home and my tummy was still really
bothering me and it just it kind of
lingered on the rest of the afternoon so
it I had a late dinner which I ended up
just to be on the safe side I just went
ahead and had my grilled chicken salad
that I have had the last couple of
nights
it's mmm it's a safe easy go to dinner
what I know the calorie count for it and
I know that it settles good in my
stomach so that's why I went ahead and
got it
so anyways um so I ended up just having
the girl chicken salad and it was good
it was fine it you know it again
I can eat grilled chicken sandwiches
sandwiches girl chicken salads every
single night and I would be a happy
camper like I that's just me I love
salads though but anyways so that was
kind of my day I will have a Greek
yogurt for dessert
later tonight if I want to I I put it in
my calories on My Fitness Pal just in
case but it doesn't mean I'm gonna have
it because I had a late dinner so I
might not want it after all but to be on
the safe side I just put into my
calories so by the end of the day
marching from 1800 I have 297 calories
left out of the 1,800 that I didn't
touch so all in all it was still a very
good day I want to say thank you again
everybody so much for all of the
encouragement words you guys are giving
me and uplifting me and backing me up
and just making this channel so
supportive and yes there are negative
out there but them positive outweighs
beyond the negative and my whole life is
you shower a negative with kindness it's
gonna die out so that's what I'm just
going to keep doing and my husband says
thank you everybody for all of your
awesome comments on his mukbangs and his
cooking stuff yes my husband is a cooker
he loves to cook and because he's
Egyptian most of his meals that he does
cook are very healthy Mills they contain
you know vegetables and
chicken and beef and he doesn't
sometimes he fries things but not very
often majority of the stuff is either
barbecued out or baked so I've had a lot
a lot a lot of requests for him to do
some more cooking maybe cooking videos
and showing how he makes things and
putting the ingredients in and that is
definitely gonna be something that we
are definitely going to do I really am
trying to please understand I am I am
really trying to get to everyone's
comments I so apologize from the bottom
of my heart if I've missed somebody it's
not personal it's not that I'm not
meaning to I will try and keep getting
to everybody's messages one by one
because I love personally messaging
everybody and getting to know each of my
subscribers because I absolutely love
you all and also I wanted to also just
say that I am getting the messages about
all the new videos that you guys would
like to see and I am gonna be working on
those as well and getting those up
everything from I've been asked about my
videos for conversion to Islam to just
many other things that you guys have
asked for and I will promise you get
those up today was kind of a slower day
and I apologize that you know my videos
aren't so exciting all the time but I
just want to bring you guys along with
my this is how my life is this is how we
go and I hope that it doesn't bore you
out I hope I'm not do boring I'm trying
to you know keep you guys entertained
with my husband I guess so I guess my
husband could be the entertainer but no
I just don't want you guys getting bored
on my my videos for my daily videos but
I'm gonna try you know every day is
gonna be different though I can't
guarantee like tomorrow I'm really gonna
work on trying to get another area of my
house you know organized and cleaned so
every day is different in my house some
days we're in the car all day some days
we're out doing something it just varies
upon day upon day on what's got to
happen but I promise you I am trying to
you guys you know go in and make you
guys enjoy what your eyes are seen
because I appreciate all of your eyes
this time that you guys are taking just
to be able to watch my videos so again
thank you for joining me on my fourth
day of my journey I congratulate all of
you that are starting your journey as
well and following along with mine I
appreciate everything you guys are doing
I will see you again
[Music]
